Barden's Holiday Music List

BEST

Silent Night

O Holy Night

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas

Silver Bells

O Little Town of Bethlehem

WORST

Santa Baby

Feliz Navidad

Hey Santa

Barking dogs 'Jingle Bells'

Anything by Gloria Estefan

I love Art!

Brian Regan is my favorite comedian. This past weekend I had his bit about art stuck in my head. I laugh each time he discusses his view of Abstract Art. Enjoy.

Yelling for Free Stuff!

Those who know me well know one of my biggest pet peeves is fans who jump up and down, yell, scream, wave their arms, and push old ladies out of the way, all in the name of getting some free items thrown at them in a sporting event. These items may include Frisbees, t-shirts, balls, and any other item donated by a sponsor all for the good of the crowd.

Why are we so excited about free stuff? Is it the actual enjoyment of potentially getting a new 'precious' gift? Or is it merely that we want to be the one who caught the prize when no one else did? Do we just want people to look at us with envy when we caught the t-shirt with the Taco Bell logo on the back?

There are three exceptions when acting like a lunatic for a free Phillips 66 mini-ball, or other item are permitted. They include:

1. When attending a sporting event with a child and the desired prize is sought after for the child. (No distinction needed between wanting said child to think you are the greatest, or whether you want other children to think you are the greatest.)
2. When the free prize value exceeds $25.00 (no less people)
3. When the giveaway item is tickets to additional events.

I am not suggesting that giveaway items in a sporting event are not a valuable part of the event; just the opposite. Giveaway items are an integral part in developing future fans, and fortifying future marital relationships. Let me explain by using an example.

While attending a recent Utah Jazz home game my brother commented how the team mascot always seemed to give his 'free' items away to small children, namely little girls. He suggested this was a waste. I disagreed. In fact I would argue that all free giveaway items be dispersed to the young girls in attendance. Why? I believe it is imperative that all young girls leave sporting events feeling that the experience was a positive one. One young girl who has positive memories of sports, is one future husband who can watch sporting events without their better-half becoming....shall we say disgruntled.

So the next time you are sitting upper bowl and someone walks onto the court or field with a free item in their hand, decide whether your needs for that item fall under the three allowable criteria. If not, now is a good time to catch your breath and rest up for the next big play.

Where were you?

Do you remember where you were when John Stockton sent the Utah Jazz to the NBA Finals?

Barden's Thanksgiving Thanks

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and Barden has comprised a list of the many things he is thankful for this year. Listed below in no particular order is merely a gratitude sample.

1. Deron Williams signs a minimum three-year contract extension with the Utah Jazz. No further explanation is required.
2. Pizza Hut bringing back the P'zone.
3. The NCAA men's basketball three-point line is moved back a complete foot and now resides at 20 feet 9 inches. This was long overdue. Next on Barden's NCAA men's basketball wishlist? A shorter shot clock and eliminating the annoying 1 and 1. (If a man is fouled, give him two shots please, none of this good luck with the first if you want the second business.)
4. Sonic fast-food commercials.
5. Jason Lezak's final leg of the Men's 4x100 IM relay during the 2008 Summer Olympics in China.
6. Real Salt Lake finally moving to their new Major League Soccer home: Rio Tinto Stadium. I had higher hopes for the name, but am grateful the impressive stadium is complete.
7. Gravity
8. The Super Big Gulp
9. The performance of Alec Guiness in the 1960 film Bridge on the River Kwai.
10. Anthony Kim defeats Sergio Garcia in 2008 Ryder Cup match play.
11. Shampoo plus Conditioner in one
12. The Ronco Electric Food Dehydrator infomercials
13. ESPN's Sportscenter
14. Thanksgiving Point Golf Course-Monday afternoon 9-hole with cart discount of only $12.80.
15. The "best by" date printed on food packaging.
16. The green arrow turn signal at busy intersections.
17. Mr. Clean's Magic Erasers
18. Yahtzee. Not just the game, but also the use as an expression. For example: "Did you hear that gas prices have dropped to $1.70?" "Yahtzee!"
19. The projected Yellow First Down line in television football viewing. This is huge. I am still unsure how anyone was able to watch football and be forced to wait for the on-field referee to signal whether the player made it passed the first down marker.
20. Crest's Pro-Health Mouthwash
21. Peach flavored Jolly Ranchers
22. The butter on Movie Theater Popcorn
23. Bounce dryer sheets
24. The convenience of online bill pay
25. And finally, Deron Williams signs a minimum three-year contract extension with the Utah Jazz...Yahtzee!

What would Jerry Do?

Jerry Sloan is the longest tenured Coach in all of professional sports. He is also 3 wins away from 1,000 victories with the Utah Jazz.


There have been many instances in my life where I needed the wisdom of another. With all that Coach Jerry Sloan has accomplished, he is the one to look to in times of trouble. When uncertainty arrives, simply ask yourself: What would Jerry do?

WWJD? I have listed a few examples when the wisdom of Sloan has made a normally awkward situation. . . not awkward.

1) In my Junior High School days I was what you might call an undersized guard. In seventh grade I came in at about 65 pounds and not quite 4 and a half feet tall. This presented several match up problems with the larger veteran 9th grade bullies. I would frequently be shoved around and teased. It was in these crucial times I would think 'What would Jerry do?'

WWJD?=Run the pick and Roll. By using the individuals in front of me to set the screen, I was able to roll past the big men in the paint, avoid being fouled, and arrive at my next class period.

2) When it came time for me to date, I was a bit shy and hesitant. I would think about asking a girl out for a date, but ultimately was unsure how to proceed. It was then that I thought 'What would Jerry do?'

WWJD?=Game plan. Have a few friends get a scouting report for you and enter the game with some understanding of the opponent. By looking passed some of the important details you may find yourself embarrassed in defeat.

3) While serving a mission in Southern Florida I was repeatedly presented with meals that weren't to my liking. Not one who fancies sea food, I would think of Sloan in those pressure situations.

WWJD?=Make a substitution. When no one was looking, I would substitute the food on my plate with the food on a teammate's plate. I would eat the veggies, and they would eat the shrimp.

4) While my wife was in labor with our first child I began to feel a little nauseous and hot. I began to worry I may pass out. I then thought 'What would Coach Jerry Sloan do?"

WWJD?=Take a 20 second time-out. I took my sweatshirt off, got hydrated with some apple juice and re-entered the game refreshed and ready to go.

5) I now have 2 children and they are wonderful. However, they scramble to maintain possession of a similarly wanted toy. Whenever I am uncertain how to handle the situation, I think of Jerry.

WWJD?=Jump Ball!

When you find yourself in times of trouble, take a minute and decide, "What would Jerry Sloan do?" He undoubtedly has the answer.

Penny for your thoughts

Have you ever looked really close at the detail on a penny? Neither had I, until someone told me that the designers of the penny have their initials stamped into the design. After carefully looking over a new penny, I learned the story of two early medalists.

Victor David Brenner was born June 12, 1871 in Lithuania, and later emmigrated to New York in 1890. After studying in Paris, he became a recognized sculptor, engraver, and medalist. When Theodore Rosevelt wanted to pay tribute to Abraham Lincoln, and ordered a new penny be created in honor of Lincoln's 100th birthday, Brenners design was chosen. Brenner originally placed his initials "VDB" at the bottom of the reverse side of the coin, but after some criticism, the initials were moved in 1918 to Lincoln's shoulder. The initials remain there to this day. Brenner died in 1924.

I have included a photo here, however it is still difficult to see. Next time you have a new shiny penny in your pocket, take a look at the base of Lincoln's right shoulder and you will see the initials VDB.


Frank Gasparro was born in Philadelphia and served as the Chief Engraver of the US Mint from 1965-1981. Gasparro had served as an Assistant Engraver and designed both sides of the Susan B. Anthony dollar, the Eisenhower dollar, and the reverse of the Kennedy half dollar. However he may be most famous for his 1959 Lincoln Memoria design which is now on the reverse side of the penny. Similarly to Victor Brenner, Frank Gasparros's initials (FG) can be seen at the base of the right side of his Lincoln Memorial design.

RSL Makes the Playoffs

Real Salt Lake has made the MLS postseason! Has the curse been lifted? I know it probably really isn't a curse, I mean, not a Red Sox or Cubs kind of curse, but in its own Soccer kind of way, RSL has been battling against its own kind of curse. With astro turf at Rice Eccles, or stadium funding backlash, or calls seeming to go against the team, Real has had much to fight against and for. Now with the Rio Tinto Stadium complete, and the team's first ever ticket to the playoffs, perhaps its own small curse may be broken.

Real entered its final match of the season against Division Rival and "Rocky Mountain Cup" opponent the Colorado Rapids. Real led Colorado by 2 points in the Conference standings, meaning a win or a tie would secure their playoff berth. However, their playoff hopes looked to go down in flames as Colorado scored against a seemingly lethargic Real team in the 19th minute.

However, in the 90th minute of the game, Real Salt Lake Salt Lake scored the equalizing goal to punch their ticket to the post season. Real now will now play a home-and-home series with Chivas USA. Teams will play one game on each other's home field with the winner determined by overall goal differential. The Playoffs begin Saturday November 1st at 4:00 PM at Sandy's Rio Tinto Stadium. The second game will be played the following weekend at the Home Depot Center in Southern California. Good Luck to Real Salt Lake. Perhaps our small curse is gone.

On the "Merge" of Insanity

I enjoy listening to sports talk radio when driving to and from work. I have about a 30 minute commute, which allows me to listen to a full radio segment. I would consider myself a cautious driver that not only focuses on my own driving, but that of the drivers around me. Because the majority of my commute takes place on a busy interstate, traffic delays have become quite normal. I keep my cool, and don't easily become frustrated by other drivers. As long as someone is talking about sports, I am a pretty patient driver.

However, there is one missing skill that drivers seem to be ignorant to-Merging. You know who you are, and if you don't know, then this next bit of advice is for you.

When getting ready to enter the freeway, you should always look ahead for a space you could merge into before accelerating. Rather than accelerate up to full speed and then think, "I am going fast, so someone better let me in." Decide ahead of time how your entrance into traffic will affect the drivers around you, and look for the open gap. Not being self aware will cause trouble for you, and those already on the highway. You only have so many yards in the lane, and if you are accelerating without a plan you may run out of room prior to finding a traffic gap. This will cause you to have to stop, cut another driver off, or wind up on the shoulder. Any of these outcomes cause unwanted delays for all involved.

Have you ever been driving along the freeway, then come to a stop and wonder how bad the accident ahead is, only to find there was no accident up ahead? Truth is the majority of these delays come when drivers fail to merge onto the freeway properly.

So listen to your music or talk radio, and pay attention when it is time to merge. This will keep all drivers calm and far from the "Merge" of insanity.

Homemade Entertainment

+ += Entertainment

There are many individuals who should not even be allowed near guns, let alone touch or own one. I am sure that in our younger days, my brothers and I fell into this category. My older brother however managed to get himself a BB gun for his Birthday one year, and suddenly our minds were filled with a cornucopia of ideas, many not too smart.

Not all of our ideas were terrible however, including a rather genius idea involving water balloons and a tomato plant cage. Picture the following scenario in your mind.

1. Stand tomato plant cages firmly in ground
2. Attach fishing line between cages
3. Tie water balloons directly to cage, and hanging from fishing line
4. Place large tarp behind cages
5. Distance yourself from cage
6. Take turns shooting balloons

Wondering where our parents were during all of this? My mother would ask if we were being safe, and then remain indoors. My father? Well, he learned pretty quick that from the opposite end of the backyard, you have to aim a little high.

Mr. Turkentine

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory is a 1971 film starring Gene Wilder in the title role. The film received an Academy Award nomination for Best Original Score. The film is indeed a classic loved by generations.

The film is filled with unique candy concoctions, and a top hatted candy maker who makes each scene a pleasure to watch. The majority of the film takes place inside the factory with the children who have found Wonka's Golden Tickets receiving a private tour. However, some of the most clever writing and acting comes from Mr. Turkentine, played by David Battley. Mr. Turkentine teaches at the local elementary school where one golden ticket finding student, Charley Buckets attends. The brief, but comedic exchanges with Mr. Turkentine are in my opinion among the highlights of the film.

Actor David Battley has a unique story of his own starring in many British TV comedies. He was born with a hole in his heart, and eventually died of a heart attack at the age of 67. Listed below are my favorite Mr. Turkentine quotes:

Mr. Turkentine- "I've just decided to switch our Friday schedule to Monday, which means that the test we take each Friday on what we learned during the week will now take place on Monday before we've learned it. But since today is Tuesday, it doesn't matter in the slightest. Pencils ready!"

Mr. Turkentine- "Of course you don't know. You don't know because only I know. If you knew and I didn't know, then you'd be teaching me instead of me teaching you - and for a student to be teaching his teacher is presumptuous and rude. Do I make myself clear?"

Mole

I'd like to think that I had an adventurous childhood. I was fortunate to grow up at the base of a large hill which rose upwards towards additional subdivisions. My siblings and I simply called this glorious playground "the hill." There were plenty of summer days spent exploring the hill, building forts on the hill, and digging holes in the hill. No two days were ever the same. Occasionally we would find squirrels, snakes, scorpions, spiders, or interesting bugs, however on one unique day, I found myself in a position to catch a mole.

Mole (noun): any of various small insectivorous mammals, esp. of the family Talpidae, living chiefly underground, and having velvety fur, very small eyes, and strong forefeet.

While digging in a territory I had claimed as land for myself, I heard a rustling in some nearby leaves. Curious as to what creature was invading my new land, I quickly investigated. Because creatures were never too far away on "the hill" it was customary procedure to have some sort of bucket with which to contain the prisoner.

I approached the moving leaves with my bucket in hand and quickly slammed the bucket above the moving leaves. This method is effective for a successful initial capture, however it does create problems for rotating the bucket upwards with your prisoner inside. So I did the only thing I could think of at the time. In one quick motion I turned the bucket onto its side, and used my free hand as a broom to swish all of the contents into the bucket. Once done I quickly turned the bucket upright.

It was immediately evident that I was successful in capturing the creature as I could hear it moving in the bottom of the bucket. While trying to decipher what it was I had indeed caught I notice the blood beginning to run down my finger.

I had caught a mole, but in his defense against my swooshing motion he had bitten my finger. I however had caught a mole. I was the victor, and I had to share the joy of my capture with my mother. She was at first, so proud of my capture, but on learning that I had been bitten, she did the motherly thing and called animal control. I don't remember the exact conversation between them, but I believe it went something like this:

Animal Control: Animal Control. How may we help you.

Mom: Um, Well my son has caught a mole and it bit him. What should I do?

Animal Control: Your son caught what?!

Mom: He caught a mole and it bit him on his finger.

Animal Control: We have never had anyone catch a mole before. Did it attack him?

Mom: No, he was just playing outside and caught it.

Animal Control: Wow. Well, I don't know what to tell you other than keep an eye on him and if he seems to be feeling OK then I probably wouldn't worry about it.

Mom:Um, OK. Thank you.

Not sure what to feed a mole, or how to take care of it, he was released back into the wild. The day ended with a bandaide on my wound and a great story to tell my friends at school.

I shared an elevator with John Larroquette

If you ever saw the television show Night Court (1984-1992), then you know John Larroquette played the role of Dan Fielding, an attorney. For the role he won 4 consecutive Emmy Awards. He won his first Emmy when I was only 4, so you can imagine when years later he stepped in to share an elevator with me, I wasn't exactly star struck.

I was about 18 at the time and vacationing with my family in Hawaii. My mother and I had visited the lobby looking for a late night snack before returning to the elevator. We stepped in first, followed by Larroquette holding a sleeping child. I recognized him as someone I had seen on television, but couldn't match his face to a television program. We made eye contact and made the customary "head nod" letting him know we recognized him, but didn't want to disturb the child. I think he was appreciative.

I had a brush with fame, well, at least I shared an elevator with an Emmy Winner.

My Link to Coach Sloan

I left work a few minutes early so I could run up to the barber shop before heading home. I arrived at about 4:50, and saw two women cutting hair. One told me that someone would be right with me. At 5:00 they both said that someone is scheduled to work at 5:00 and would be here shortly. After that, they both just left. I sat alone in the barber shop not sure what I should do. I had thoughts of throwing on an apron and shaving the head of the next person to come in, but figured that wasn't the best idea. Ten minutes later a woman rushed in acting flustered and yelling about how bad the traffic was. She glanced in my direction and said, "I'll be right with you" then disappears into the back room. She comes out ten minutes later (now 5:20), and invites me back to sit in the chair. The terrible traffic stories continue as she begins to cut my hair.
She is shaking with frustration as she speaks, and gets so worked up that she cuts her finger with her scissors. She either doesn't notice how bad it is, or doesn’t notice at all. I however quickly notice as her blood is now dripping into my hair. I quickly point out the blood dripping from her finger. Unfazed, she gets a wet towel, sits it on the counter in front of me, and periodically wipes her finger on the damp cloth. The bleeding continues. I finally suggest she go get a band-aid. She agrees and disappears to the back room before coming back with a band-aid only mostly wrapped around her finger. She must have had a difficult time putting it on by herself. Because the band-aid isn't completely on, the sticky portion of the band-aid is exposed. As she continues to cut my hair, my hair begins to stick to her band-aid. I am doing my best to get out of the chair at this point saying that my haircut looks fine. When she says, "You know. I used to cut Jerry Sloan's hair all the time. He used to live up here you know. I would always watch the Jazz games and be distracted by the fact that I was never able to make his neck line even. He likes his hair longer." I have no response to her comments. I now have blood and band-aid glue in my hair, and possibly an uneven neck line, so I make a quick exit.
My claim to fame, and link to Coach Jerry Sloan? I got my haircut by the same woman who used to cut Coach Sloan's hair. Wonder why he quit going there?